Where You Been?

I've been called on the carpet (whatever that means) for not posting a blog for five months. I have this grand idea of being a witty blogger who has a legion of followers that hang on his every word. Sadly, I'm not interesting enough or interested enough for that type of responsibility. It used to be that I had all kinds of crazy, random things running through my head that would make for a great story or a funny blog. Now, all I have running through my head is hatred for my job, concerns for my everyday family life and wishing I could sleep more. But occasionally, something will crop up that needs to be addressed. It ends up becoming my Facebook status and then I move on. So, I'm going to go with a stream of thought approach to this particular blog. I will just throw out whatever pops into my head and if it's interesting then huzzah! If it's not, well, then you will know why I haven't been on the ball lately with this here blog.

- I have four concerts on my radar, two of which I have tickets and the other two, well, I may need to visit the local blood or sperm bank for a concert ticket donation. I am going to the Crossroads Music Festival in Chicago in June. T'will be a monster orgasm of blues guitar. Let's hope for the desired tingling pee pee effect. I will also attend Them Crooked Vultures show at the Murat. As we speak, I'm going alone. It will be my first time ever attending a concert by myself. Sure, I've gone to a few shows with lousy companions and I may as well have been there alone. But this time it's literal! Should be interesting. If it's anything like going to a movie alone, I will probably LOVE it. Another show on the radar is Kings of Leon w/The Black Keys in September. I've not seen the Kings yet but I've wanted to for a long time. The Keys rule live so no concerns there. And finally, The World's Most Rock and Roll Rock and Roll Band, The Black Crowes (that's their actual name but it never fit right on album covers so they shortened it; fucking record companies) will make their triumphant and possibly last return to the Murat Theater in August. They are taking another hiatus after this tour to spend time with their families. What a bunch of selfish pussies! Just kidding. I want to spend time with their families too. Anyway, it will be a night with no opening act, thank Christ, and they are scheduled to play half the set acoustic and half electric. A guaranteed three hour show. Bittersweet bliss, it will be. It's nice to have something to look forward to. I've always tried to make a point of that. Little things in life amount to a helluva lot and a good concert is enough to mentally get me by for a while.

- Just why in the blue fuck would Paramount turn down making an Anchorman sequel? Really?

- Jessica Miller is the wittiest woman on the net. Well, I'm not sure if Monique blogs. If she does then Miller would be the second wittiest woman on the net.

- My son is into The Karate Kid and it's sequel. ALWAYS LOOK EYE!!! We are watching the first one and there are moments that I don't remember catching in the past, like the evil Johnny rolling a joint in the bathroom stall at the school dance or the fact that Martin Kove is a horrible, horrible actor. He was on Cagney and Lacey. True story. I wonder what he's doing now? Shockingly, according to iMDB, he has 11 movies in production or completed this year, all of which look to be in the sci-fi, fantasy or horror realm. I was really hoping he was doing porn. That would make the whole Cobra Kai thing so much funnier. Wanna fuck? YES SENSEI!!!

- My son is drawn to Thomas the Tank Engine train sets. It's basically a wooden track that you can piece together in a number of different ways with tunnels and trestles and shit. It's a pretty nice setup. It comes with it's own table and everything. Oh, and it's $250. He saw one at Toys R Us today and just lost his shit. It will make it so much more special whenever he runs across one at a doctors office or the Children's Museum or at his future preschool or something. He will be so excited to be playing with it that he will totally forget that we aren't buying him one.

- I've covered this already on Facebook but I want to hire Sandra Bullock's kid as a personal bodyguard. That kid's fuckin' scary, son! As my buddy Lane said, I'd have a smug look on my face too if I was regularly being loved up by Sandy Bullock. She's a fine looking woman. What she could really use is a tattoo on her forehead though.

- We went to the zoo last week and I got to see walruses have sex. Obviously, there's no circumcisions in the wild so the male walrus's peen looked a bit like a puffy coat sleeve. He was considerably smaller than the female which leads me to two conclusions: One, he's a chubby chaser or two, he's having sex with his mother. Either way, memorable zoo moment.

- I got real drunk and had my gay friend, Rudy, highlight my hair...oh, wrong blog.

- My son is wearing a Rolling Stones '81 American Tour shirt, which is awesome. It's also hilarious considering my balls hadn't even dropped in '81. When we bought the shirt, it was a toss-up between the Stones shirt and a GG Allin child's tank top. Old Navy has some wacked out shit these days.

Well, that's all I've got. I will try to make this more frequent. So I will see you around Thanksgiving!

Dave Rawlings Machine - The Bluebird 12/5/09

Almost seven years ago, I took my wife to see Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings at the Buskirk-Chumley Theatre in Bloomington for her wedding present. It was such a beautiful show. They were two voices made to sing together akin to the way siblings vocalize. Voices so close that you could confuse the lead singer. Gillian, the lanky cowgirl with her sundress and cowboy boots played her Guild acoustic and her claw hammer banjo throughout the show while Dave, the seemingly shy suited guitarist, stuck primarily to his 1935 Epiphone Olympic arch top guitar, a guitar that's become synonymous with Dave much like Lucille is synonymous with BB King. Gillian bobbed up and down and crushed out an invisible cigarette with her black left boot while Dave writhed along with every note and string that he plucked. They made for a precarious pair on stage but their playing and singing was captivating.

Gillian put out four solo albums, which always seemed unfair since Dave co-wrote most of the songs and played guitar on every one. It always seemed like they should be a duo. But Gillian filled the role of lead vocalist and spokesperson for the duo so she earned the title, one might think. Now Dave is up front with his band, Dave Rawlings Machine, which sees Gillian as his rhythm guitarist and features three members of the Old Crow Medicine Show (Morgan Jahnig on bass, Keith Secor on fiddle/harmonica, and Willie Watson on rhythm guitar). The new album, Friend of a Friend, is yet another showcase of beautiful music but with a little more tempo and humor. Dave co-wrote most of the songs with Gillian but also collaborated with Ryan Adams on a track and covers Bright Eyes and Neil Young on one stand-out medley (the rise and fall "Method Acting/Cortez the Killer). It's a masterful album and holds its own amongst the rest of the Welch/Rawlings catalog.

The Machine arrived in Bloomington last night at the legendary Bluebird (so legendary that this was my first visit). If you've never been to the Bluebird there's only one way to describe it: cavernous and tiny. The stage barely seems big enough to hold a four piece band. It's funny to think that Toots and the Maytals, the Wailers and Culture all have played there, big reggae bands with horn sections. I'm not sure how they do it. Anyway, the Machine had the luxury of no drum kit so they could amble about the stage.

They opened with the sing-along track "Monkey and the Engineer" which got the crowd excited right off the bat. Immediately after the song, the tone for the show was set. It became obvious that there was no set list as Dave surprised the band by launching into a song they'd never played live, Bob Dylan's "Dear Landlord". The band scurried together, finding the key and by the end of the first verse they were all together and playing it beautifully. "Landlord" turned into a medley and "Candyman" by the Grateful Dead appeared, exciting the unwashed fans.

That was how the night went. Very brief huddles spawned a song here, a song there. Dave launched into songs, the band followed. It was inspiring and spontaneous. Every song from the new album was played throughout the show. Some turned into medleys, such as the gorgeous "I Hear Them All", evolving into a rousing version of Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land". Aside from the album material, the band played an Old Crow song called "Methamphetamine" and a few Gillian songs ("Red Clay Halo", "Look At Miss Ohio", "No One Knows My Name", "Throw Me a Line") as well "Queen Jane Approximately" by Dylan, the folk standard "Big Rock Candy Mountain", the fire and brimstone gospel hymn "Fields on Fire" (comically sung by Secor in a televangelistic manor) and the crowd pleasing encore closer, The Band's "The Weight". The crowd followed every moment of the show, interacting and cheering on the brilliant solos from each band member.

The band came back for two encores. The second encore, they dropped all instruments and sung the four part harmony on the O Brother, Where Art Thou favorite, "Didn't Leave Nobody But the Baby". The audience went wild, stomping with the rhythm. A raucous cheer arose after the song with the audience begging for more. (At this point it should be noted that back when Dave and Gillian were first getting started, they would travel around college towns doing "songbook shows" where they would take a songbook by their favorite artists, such as Dylan or Neil Young, and randomly play songs from the book to the delight of their captive audiences. They frequented Bloomington doing these shows at the Wild Beet and Second Story.) Dave grabbed the mic and said, "That was officially the end of the show. If you want to take off now you won't hurt my feelings but we used to play a lot in this town and, well, I feel like doing a few Neil Young songs," much to the surprise of the band and to the delight of the rabid fans. Gillian laughed and shook her head as Dave launched into "Mellow My Mind", followed by "Time Fades Away", and finishing off with my favorite Neil song of all time, "Powderfinger". All three songs were impeccable and the best possible finish to an astounding show.

This was primarily a bluegrass/folk show. No drummer, all acoustic instruments, the only mic'd instrument was the fiddle. It was as roots as it gets. But with the musicianship, the spontaneity, the humor (and occasional innuendo), the audience interaction, the delicate and the rowdy moments, and the overall anything goes attitude of the show, not to mention the obvious good time the band was having on stage, how they were in no hurry to leave and wanted to give the audience everything they had, this was the most rock and roll show I've seen in years. I hope it doesn't take Rawlings/Welch another seven years to get back to the state of Indiana. But you can bet your ass I will have a ticket when they do.

Outrage!!!

Last night, HBO debuted a new documentary by Kirby Dick titled "Outrage", a very compelling look at closeted politicians who vote against gay rights despite their own lifestyle. It begins with a recording of the officer who busted the now infamous Larry Craig in the Men's Room at the Minneapolis airport questioning the senator about his intentions in that bathroom. A historical look at Craig behind the scenes follows including a personal account from a man that Craig picked up at a bar in DC back in the 80's. The man explains that Craig took him back to his mansion, they did the deed and then Craig stuck a $20 bill in the man's back pocket and said, "You've never heard of me, you've never seen me and I can buy and sell you 100 times over." Classy.

The film continues to out more politicians, some well known like Mark Foley and Jim McGreevey and others not-so-well known. The biggest surprise to me was the revelation that former New York mayor and Grandpa Munster lookalike Ed Koch had a long standing affair with a young man who was later scorned by the Mayor in favor of his political life, thus a running theme of the movie.

Charlie Crist, current Governor of Florida, was also outed. Known in the media for being a very eligible bachelor, Crist couldn't seem to hold down a relationship with a woman to save his life, though he really tried. He had a high profile relationship with a woman in the middle of this decade and they split up in 2007. She was questioned by the media about his rumored lifestyle while she was still in a relationship with the Governor. She said it was bogus. When reached for comment by Dick for this film her comment was, "I think it's best that I keep my mouth shut. Call me in ten years and I will tell you a story." A year later when John McCain was running for the presidency, Crist publically campaigned for McCain and rumors were that Crist was on McCain's shortlist for his VP pick. Shortly afterward, Crist got engaged to a woman he'd only known for a few months. I guess it would be better politically if your VP pick was married so that his sexuality wouldn't be a question during the campaign. Alas, Palin was picked and Crist still married though I'm sure he felt a little burnt.

But perhaps most head shaking is the story of Lousiana Congressman Jim McCrery who came up a gay, atheist liberal. When Washington came calling and promised him a powerful career, he jumped parties, joined the church, got married to a woman who wears mom jeans and procreated! That would be like Nathan Lane turning into Mel Gibson overnight.

Also outed were congressmen David Dreier, Bush cronie Ken Melman (who did a lot of Bush's dirty work during the 2004 election to help push forward the anti-gay marriage agenda) and Shepard Smith from Fox News (!!!).

Ultimately, the documentary focused on the hypocrisy of these lousy individuals and how they are not only letting themselves down but are also hurting a large minority of people in the process due to their own greediness and lust for power. It's shameful. On the other side of the token, several out and proud politicians were interviewed such as Ed Koble and Barney Frank and they spoke of how it was the best decision they've ever made to come out and how it made them feel like better politicians and better people for doing so. Koble, a Republican, stated that it felt like 40 years of burden was lifted off his shoulders. There was footage of him speaking before Congress after he came out telling those that oppose gay rights that they are ruining lives and that the constitutional right to marriage being for a man and a woman is the only amendment in the constitution that is oppressive. It should be changed for the greater good. Couldn't agree more.

If you don't have HBO, I'm sure this will hit DVD soon. It's definitely worth checking out. No matter what side of the fence you are on, it's a heavily thought provoking film. Hopefully it can change the image of this situation and give people the rights they deserve while also shedding light on some rampant government hypocrisy.

Inglorious Basterds and Halloween II

Daddy got a day off on Friday so I caught a couple of movies.

Inglorious Basterds is probably Quentin Tarantino's best work since Pulp Fiction. It still doesn't stand up to that magnum opus but it has beat everything he's done since. Jackie Brown? Dull. Kill Bill 1 and 2? Two promising, yet overlong movies with lousy payoffs and bad writing. Death Proof? Thank God for the car chase at the end and for Kurt Russell's not-so-tough guy. With Basterds, he does something a little different: Turns a period piece into a Grindhouse revenge flick and I think it worked. The story involves a special ops team of Jewish American soldiers headed by Brad Pitt, a refugee Parisian Jew movie theater owner, and a turncoat German actress in cahoots with the English Army, all of whom want to end the Third Reich. Their goal is set before them when the theater owner, played by Diane Kruger, manages to host a Nazi-made docudrama premiere showcasing the heroics of a Nazi sharpshooter who killed 300 opposition soldiers from a belltower. When word that Hitler is considering attending the premeire, well, shit gets crazy. My only complaint about the film is that some scenes tend to drag due to Tarantino's penchant for long monologues. However, each chapter of the film has satisfying payoffs and the finale of the movie is one I won't forget for a while. I also won't forget the performance of Christophe Waltz as the "Jew Hunter", a Nazi investigator who's way too good at his job. He teems with intensity and makes you fidgit in your seat as he interrogates his subjects. In a just world, he would win an Oscar.

Halloween II, on the other hand, was a big disappointment. I'm a huge fan of Rob Zombie's work, especially The Devil's Rejects, my favorite horror film of all time. I enjoyed his remake of John Carpenter's Halloween quite a bit, appreciating it more with additional viewings. Following his MySpace blog for months, seeing pics of the production on-line and reading all the cool rumors about the movie had my interest piqued. Then I saw the movie. While the violence and gore don't disappoint at all (one of the goriest movies in recent memory), the writing and story were pretty lazy. Zombie admitted on Howard Stern that the movie studio wanted to do a sequel, but Zombie declined. The groundwork on the sequel with a different director began and then it was decided that the sequel would be a straight-to-DVD affair. Zombie felt like it would ruin what he created with the first film and he decided to take a stab at it again, so to speak. Ultimately, H2 comes off like a control freak who wanted to do a sequel his way even if it was half-assed. Instead of the terrifying crazy-from-the-womb Michael Myers who just killed, this time Michael is controlled by the ghost of his dead mother and his inner child. His sister has also gone nuts since Mike tried to kill her in the first film and she's seeing things too. So now we have a supernatural bent that's completely unnecessary. Instead of going this direction, I wish Laurie Strode had unloaded the Sheriff's gun in Michael's face to end the first movie instead of stabbing him and bringing on this lousy sequel. As we all know, stabbing a psycho rarely ever works. If you are going to go, go for the gore. Just prepare to be let down by the overall film.

Is this reverse racism?

My son is watching Imagination Movers on Disney Channel. They are four dorky white guys who come up with solutions to big problems. Today's problem: Teaching an athletic looking black man how to play sports.

Say it ain't so, Billy

So Billy Mays had cocaine in his system when he died. Makes plenty of sense now. The screaming, the mad gesturing, always wearing the same clothes because he had likely been on an all night bender and didn't have the time or mind to change...it all adds up. Hopefully he didn't take it too far, like doing OxyClean speedballs.

He Must Spend a Fortune on Snausages

So today I'm reading an article on MSNBC's website (because that's what liberals read, you fascists!) about a gentleman with a love of dogs. Hey, I love dogs too. I don't want to own any, though. I've had two dogs in the past seven years and to say that they were living breathing nightmares would be an understatement. However, I think dogs are wonderful animals and deserving of good homes. That being said...

The subject of the story, who shall remain nameless because they didn't name him, owned a few dogs. Over one hundred, to be exact. He was a classic hoarder but instead of hoarding shoes or newspapers or his own urine and toenail clippings, he hoarded canines. He was so into this hobby that he not only hoarded live dogs but he also hoarded the ones that died. Yes, when the police were called to investigate the elusive foul odor coming from our dog lover's property they not only found 112 live dogs but they also found 150 FROZEN dogs! Several freezers filled with dead dogs were found in the basement.

Pictured in the article was the man's outwardly nice home. Nicely trimmed bushes, neatly clipped yard, well kept brick building with a white front door. Not the type of home you would assume to be a kennel. As one would expect, when investigators entered the home they had to don masks because of the overbearing odor of trash and feces. It seems the man didn't let the dogs crap on his neatly manicured lawn because that would be stupid! The odor just recently became apparent because the man had masked the odor by sealing the doors and windows. Perhaps the stench became to much for him and he had to air the joint out.

What's the point of this blog? Well, just to point out that that dude is shit nuts! There you go, Chuck.