Where You Been?

I've been called on the carpet (whatever that means) for not posting a blog for five months. I have this grand idea of being a witty blogger who has a legion of followers that hang on his every word. Sadly, I'm not interesting enough or interested enough for that type of responsibility. It used to be that I had all kinds of crazy, random things running through my head that would make for a great story or a funny blog. Now, all I have running through my head is hatred for my job, concerns for my everyday family life and wishing I could sleep more. But occasionally, something will crop up that needs to be addressed. It ends up becoming my Facebook status and then I move on. So, I'm going to go with a stream of thought approach to this particular blog. I will just throw out whatever pops into my head and if it's interesting then huzzah! If it's not, well, then you will know why I haven't been on the ball lately with this here blog.

- I have four concerts on my radar, two of which I have tickets and the other two, well, I may need to visit the local blood or sperm bank for a concert ticket donation. I am going to the Crossroads Music Festival in Chicago in June. T'will be a monster orgasm of blues guitar. Let's hope for the desired tingling pee pee effect. I will also attend Them Crooked Vultures show at the Murat. As we speak, I'm going alone. It will be my first time ever attending a concert by myself. Sure, I've gone to a few shows with lousy companions and I may as well have been there alone. But this time it's literal! Should be interesting. If it's anything like going to a movie alone, I will probably LOVE it. Another show on the radar is Kings of Leon w/The Black Keys in September. I've not seen the Kings yet but I've wanted to for a long time. The Keys rule live so no concerns there. And finally, The World's Most Rock and Roll Rock and Roll Band, The Black Crowes (that's their actual name but it never fit right on album covers so they shortened it; fucking record companies) will make their triumphant and possibly last return to the Murat Theater in August. They are taking another hiatus after this tour to spend time with their families. What a bunch of selfish pussies! Just kidding. I want to spend time with their families too. Anyway, it will be a night with no opening act, thank Christ, and they are scheduled to play half the set acoustic and half electric. A guaranteed three hour show. Bittersweet bliss, it will be. It's nice to have something to look forward to. I've always tried to make a point of that. Little things in life amount to a helluva lot and a good concert is enough to mentally get me by for a while.

- Just why in the blue fuck would Paramount turn down making an Anchorman sequel? Really?

- Jessica Miller is the wittiest woman on the net. Well, I'm not sure if Monique blogs. If she does then Miller would be the second wittiest woman on the net.

- My son is into The Karate Kid and it's sequel. ALWAYS LOOK EYE!!! We are watching the first one and there are moments that I don't remember catching in the past, like the evil Johnny rolling a joint in the bathroom stall at the school dance or the fact that Martin Kove is a horrible, horrible actor. He was on Cagney and Lacey. True story. I wonder what he's doing now? Shockingly, according to iMDB, he has 11 movies in production or completed this year, all of which look to be in the sci-fi, fantasy or horror realm. I was really hoping he was doing porn. That would make the whole Cobra Kai thing so much funnier. Wanna fuck? YES SENSEI!!!

- My son is drawn to Thomas the Tank Engine train sets. It's basically a wooden track that you can piece together in a number of different ways with tunnels and trestles and shit. It's a pretty nice setup. It comes with it's own table and everything. Oh, and it's $250. He saw one at Toys R Us today and just lost his shit. It will make it so much more special whenever he runs across one at a doctors office or the Children's Museum or at his future preschool or something. He will be so excited to be playing with it that he will totally forget that we aren't buying him one.

- I've covered this already on Facebook but I want to hire Sandra Bullock's kid as a personal bodyguard. That kid's fuckin' scary, son! As my buddy Lane said, I'd have a smug look on my face too if I was regularly being loved up by Sandy Bullock. She's a fine looking woman. What she could really use is a tattoo on her forehead though.

- We went to the zoo last week and I got to see walruses have sex. Obviously, there's no circumcisions in the wild so the male walrus's peen looked a bit like a puffy coat sleeve. He was considerably smaller than the female which leads me to two conclusions: One, he's a chubby chaser or two, he's having sex with his mother. Either way, memorable zoo moment.

- I got real drunk and had my gay friend, Rudy, highlight my hair...oh, wrong blog.

- My son is wearing a Rolling Stones '81 American Tour shirt, which is awesome. It's also hilarious considering my balls hadn't even dropped in '81. When we bought the shirt, it was a toss-up between the Stones shirt and a GG Allin child's tank top. Old Navy has some wacked out shit these days.

Well, that's all I've got. I will try to make this more frequent. So I will see you around Thanksgiving!