Black Dogs - Book Review

In 1973, Led Zeppelin played to a sold out Madison Square Garden in New York City. The Golden God, Robert Plant, struck his fey pose on stage, shirt likely unbuttoned to the navel, and sang about sex and Tolkein, Jimmy Page practiced Satanism and summoned the beast on his double neck Gibson SG, John Paul Jones played his bass quietly in the shadows and tried not to be forgotten by his band mates, John Bonham chugged five bottles of Jack Daniels while playing a 48 minute "Moby Dick" drum solo and their manager, Richard Grant, beat up some poor promoter backstage for not having enough roast beef in the deli tray. The band made $200,000 cash for the performance. It was the best of times for the biggest band in the world, post-Beatles. And while the band mesmerized the endless masses with their heavy metal thunder, their payday was being robbed from them in what is known as the biggest rock and roll heist in the history of said music genre. The money was never recovered, the thieves never found. This is a true story.

Black Dogs: The Possibly True Story of Classic Rock's Greatest Robbery by Jason Buhrmester, is a fictionalized tale of how that heist may have went down. The story begins with Patrick, a Black Sabbath loving, Zeppelin hating petty thief from Baltimore who has concocted a plan to steal the band's booty with the help of his fellow thieving buddies. The plan: Steal a valuable Gibson guitar from a pawnshop in hopes of selling it to Jimmy Page (who was known for buying guitars in nearly ever city he visited at the height of his fame) and, during the distraction, lift the money from their thug manager's hotel room. The plan is flawed but possible. While robbing the pawnshop, a wildcard member of the crew gets greedy and decides to steal the pawnshop safe along with the guitar. The pawnshop is owned by the leader of a Bikers-for-God gang known as Backwoods Billy and the Holy Ghosts (possibly the best name ever for a biker gang or a rockabilly band) who not only thump the Bible but also thump skulls when crossed. When the gang gets wise to the robbery, the band of thieves chances of dying become better than their chances of stealing Zep's money. The contents of the safe have a life of their own as they become the ire of not only Backwoods Billy and the thieves but also of Baltimore's District Attorney, who is also a bit crooked. Obstacle after obstacle is thrown into the Patrick's path. His only goal is to stay alive so that he can rob the biggest band on the globe, and for some reason, you can't help but root for him.

I truly enjoyed this story. Buhrmester has crafted a taut, thrilling tale that is easy to read and visualize. I saw the story unfold so vividly that I feel like it could easily be one of my favorite movies if done correctly. Packed with musical references and commentary, it piqued my interest on many levels. The heist, the feud with the bikers and an equally interesting subplot involving a funk band were all well done and interesting. Watching the pages dwindle away, I began to wonder if the thieves were going to make it to New York to rob the band. But the ending does not disappoint and ties up all the loose ends with ease. It's a book I would revisit.

As far as it ever being turned into a film, which I would love, I'm not sure they would get much cooperation from Zeppelin. Aside from the band being robbed of 200k, there is also a lot of scathing criticism from Patrick in the text about how Zeppelin are a bunch of blues robbing hacks who wouldn't exist without Howling Wolf, Willie Dixon, Bukka White and the delta blues in general. While I absolutely love Led Zeppelin, it's a compelling argument and there is a lot of truth in it. Zeppelin have a history of taking themselves way too seriously so I don't imagine that they would be too willing to work with producers on this one. Unless there were Executive Producer credits involved, of course.

This is a quick, easy read and it's a helluva ride. It's so compelling that I'm considering robbing the Dave Matthews Band later this summer.